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Monday, February 7, 2011

The Thing with Fashionistas in Nigeria

Naeto C, you are primus inter paris. Yes, you are grandstanding because you are different. You are the best. Let them do their suit-thingy and look like these frogs below!

Okay, guys, I don't know that dude, but I think he is the weakest dude in the world. He needs some fresh air. Next time, he shouldn't dare come out!

I am sure some filmmaker is ready to cast her as The Fairskinned Black Witch of Lagos! She can as well show us what colour of pant she is wearing.

No matter how obsessive he is of Pastor Chris Oyakhilome, he represents ignorance.

Bayo, you are my good friend. One of the cutest people and gentlest people I know, but please, Bayo, please, I am not sure this works for a normal Nigerian in a Nigerian weather. Thank you for standing with that pretty lady! She knows what she wants.

Patrick Doyle represents ME! I will keep liking him and his wife! Thank you Lawd!

I've never been a fan of stylist, Dimeji Alara, so I will start with him. I met him once and I like his calmness and humility, but all that shit they wear, sorry, buddie, I could do more of that in my next life in Paris! Thank you. Not Lagos! Save me, biko.

I got worried today, because of what I saw on TV: stars in the US smiling into the cameras, in suits and well-trimmed jackets on Red Carpets. All of a sudden, I remember the night of the Future Awards and how everyone who dressed in same tradition was rushed by photographers. They wanna get a photo of that lady in nice long gown! That guy in suit! And they guys are really smiling, chuckling like excited virgins, getting snapped. I nod myself and hate that. I usually don't do all that glitz and glamour thing, but I've been clamouring that writers start doing it, for some commercial reasons. Those authors could easily be marketed same way musicians and film stars are.

One night, I had called a friend and invited a friend to a film fund gala. I had two tickets to get him in. He responded to my sms in a bizarre way: "I am not properly dressed for dinner." What the fuck? How do people dress for dinner? I ask. Maybe, I am not that kind and should not criticise, but really, how stupid can most Nigerians get? Dude finally came to the event, in a cool short and shirt and sandals and was not thrown out. Then sitting with him, he realised I was casually dressed, not even minding the Yoruba guy in agbada sitting by my side with his wife, which cracked me up well. I loved that man. It couldn't get any more comic that others took the pain, standing infront of their mirrors primping themselves up to attend a night show and end up looking like fools to me. What do you really want? I want something more simple for us. Just like the dude who was struggling so much with his fork and knife to eat a simple meal at the gala? I had one spoon which I used gently and ate well and didn't bother looking up at anyone for approval or disapproval. What annoyed me was that my friend started bickering like a lamp about the dude who couldn't use his cutlery. Wetin concern me? No be fools like them? How can't you learn to be comfortable in what you do.

We have so much panned to the sensibilities of the West. Whatever they do is deemed to be the ultimate. If the West doesn't say stuff, it is not it yet. How Nigerians pay more attention to BBC? Where the fuck is NTA? How Nigerians want to always make sure we try to convince foreigners that we are a good people, when our stupid sense of fashion already marked out us. For real, take it from me, those fools who grace Red Carpet events (no matter how Western that sounds) are just plain stupid and I feel they have issues, which they need to settle.

Just like the other day I was at Inspiration FM, a guy in suit brushed me aside while he was walking into the building. I stopped and looked at him. He paused also and said, 'OK, sorry.' I listened well to that OK side and I just didn't like it, so I rudely said to him: "Dude, you are in suit doesn't mean you are more responsible than me. Even with my dreadlocks!" That made him laugh and he calmly apologised again, but I was already out.

I wear what I wear because what I wear is what defines me and not wear what I wear because others are gonna wear same thing. Shame! For once, I feel the guy in the Nigerian traditional clothing is better and has his brains intact! Others can come suck my dick!


Anonymous said...

What is with the whole sensitive word can make your point without all the PG words.. Nice stuff though.

Fred Nwonwu said...

Onyeka again! Abeg take am easy with di yabis, lol. I see your point though. The fashonistas keep acting like they have something above us, telling us what to wear and how to wear it. Makes you wonder who made them judge and jury over us. Anyway, like how you say what you say.

Onyeka Nwelue said...

Anonymous: Blossom, thank you. I saw your comment already. I couldn't get more angry. Next time. And ho, I was not talking about you as the lawyer. Someone else.

Fred: Fred, Fred. Long time. Well, well, that is how I feel at this moment in my life. Hope you are good sha?

afric.iWRITE said...

I pray I don't fall into his hands!

Anonymous said...

Funny how you request that people make civil comments, and you are hardly civil yourself.